Is it my Fate?!

Gosh, I have been gone through the same thing for these 3 continuous Chinese New Year! For the past 2 years, I was celebrating my Chinese New Year in the hospital and I was thinking that this year I would have a healthy and cheerful CNY celebration with my family and friends. I was wrong. I only have spent 2 days of CNY with my family and I got admitted on the third day of CNY, i.e. 12/2/2013. 

I was having the thought of having a happy CNY for me in this year due to I was feeling alright as when I had returned for my chest check up just a few days before the CNY and my chest specialist was telling me that I could have my CNY at home this year. Both of us were happy for that. However, when I met him in the ward after I admitted, he was shocked to see me as he said that I looked ok on the day of check-up which was just few days ago. I then answered him back “I also don’t know!”  

So, here I am in the hospital for about 19 days. I yet to know when I could be discharged as my case has become complicated. I saw the patients who were having the same diagnosed with me had discharged already, most of the patients who were same ward as I were either mostly discharged or transferred to another room. Thus, I have met many new patients around me.

The sickness that I am diagnosed is called pneumothorax, which means the collapse of lungs. This is a sudden attacked to the patient, the person who easily have it are those who are weak, lungs problem or thin and tall. Mostly this is more attacked to the men. However, I was the unlucky as my lungs are weak and I was having the attacked on the middle of night. I did not realise I am having pneumothorax until I went to the hospital for treatment and the doctors examined me and given me the treatment.  FYI, after attacked by pneumothorax, the person would feel pain and having shortness of breath. When taking a deep breath, it would feel very painful.

I was having good condition after the treatment but then it becomes complicated. Thus I would need sometime more for my recover. I cannot do anything now but to wait for my lungs to recover. This is the reason I am in the hospital for more than 2 weeks.

I really don’t understand why did I have my CNY in the hospital in these years, is it a fate for me?! A coincident timing?! I really wish it is NOT as I am frightened to stay in the hospital and it would make people depress easily, especially when saw the patient dead, or in severe condition, e.g. Cancer patients, or the family cries. I really do not want to see all those happenings repeatedly.

I am always telling myself to stay strong and hang on; all those incidents would not affect me. But I also not sure that how long could I hold on for it as I feel depressing sometimes.

Lastly, GOD please helps me to have speed recovery as I miss my home, my own bed.